


one in five billion

by frapucinno



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, jihoon is sort of in denial, lots of space and x-files references, soonyoung is an astronomy major and loves the x-files, this is ??? fluffy ??? I GUESS ????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 02:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12289788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapucinno/pseuds/frapucinno
Summary: Jihoon wants to trace the little furrow in Soonyoung’s brow with his fingers, wants to smooth out his small frown, get rid of the rough edges on Soonyoung’s face because he only deserves the best; deserves the world (and Jihoon thinks one day he’d like to give it to him).





	one in five billion

**Author's Note:**

> i love space, i love sci-fi, i love soonhoon and soonyoung's stage name literally means star in japanese so this was a long time coming.  
> no prior knowledge of the x-files is needed to read this, but if you do watch the show then i hope you appreciate the little references here and there.  
> (title taken from the x-files season 5 episode 19: folie à deux).

Jihoon lets out a long sigh as he steps into Soonyoung’s room at one in the morning, not for the first time that week. He doesn’t bother knocking because he knows Soonyoung will be fast asleep anyway. As always, newspaper clippings and magazine articles both old and new are stuck haphazardly onto the walls, clothes and books litter the floor, the cork board hanging on the wall just above the messy desk is still a bit crooked. And, as always, Soonyoung had fallen asleep at his desk again, glasses skewed and pressed against his cheek, the single light from the desk lamp washing his features in a pale white glow.

“Soonyoung-ah,” Jihoon calls out from where he’s leaning against the doorway. He calls his name again, louder this time, but Soonyoung still doesn’t stir, so he approaches him and shakes his shoulder. “Soonyoung, wake up.”

Soonyoung’s eyes open slowly, bleary. They focus on Jihoon after a few seconds and Soonyoung sits up, wiping away the dried drool from the corners of his mouth.

“You fell asleep at your desk again,” Jihoon says, taking a step back when Soonyoung starts to stretch. He hears a soft crack when Soonyoung rolls his shoulders and inwardly winces, knowing that Soonyoung’s constant falling asleep at the desk in an awkward position is definitely not good for his joints.

“Thanks for waking me,” Soonyoung yawns. “Why are you still up?”

“I just finished my essay,” Jihoon replies.

“Marketing?”

Jihoon nods.

Soonyoung makes a small ‘ah’ noise, and this time it’s Jihoon’s turn to ask, even though he knows the answer already, “What about you?”

From all the times he’s asked Soonyoung in the past few weeks, his reply remains unchanged; Jihoon’s got it memorised just like how Soonyoung probably memorises the entire _I Want to Believe_ movie script.

“Stars, space, aliens, nothing that you’d be interested in,” Soonyoung answers. He gives Jihoon a cheeky smile. “Want to get some waffles?”

////

It’s probably the 30th waffle Jihoon has eaten this entire month and he’s getting a bit sick of it, but it’s hard to say no to Kwon Soonyoung.

They’re seated in a small café in campus, the only one that stays open 24 hours to shelter stressed-out college students needing a midnight meal and sexiled roommates. It is empty, save for them and a small group of students huddled in front of their laptops.

He watches as Soonyoung folds a waffle in half and shove the entire thing in his mouth, washing it down with strawberry milkshake and it occurs to Jihoon that Soonyoung had probably skipped dinner (again) judging by how hastily he's eating.

It would probably annoy Jihoon if it were someone else, but he didn’t really mind if it was Soonyoung. He’d accepted it months ago; he has a soft spot in his heart in the shape of a certain Kwon Soonyoung. It came as no less of a shock to him, because Lee Jihoon does not budge for anybody or anything until Soonyoung came along, a ball of enthusiast and space puns, crashing into Jihoon’s gravitational field and turning his whole world upside down.

They have been housemates for almost seven months now, living in a dingy apartment just five minutes away from campus. At first Jihoon was adamant to only talk to Soonyoung when needed - he tells himself he shouldn’t build unnecessary relationships, but really he’s just shy and awkward. It turns out Soonyoung was just as determined to befriend Jihoon as Jihoon was to avoid him. Soonyoung’s relentless pursuits to hang out and his sheer kindness was what broke Jihoon in the end, and they’ve been great friends ever since.

(Seungcheol had given Jihoon a look when he noticed Soonyoung’s arm slung around Jihoon’s shoulder when they headed home together one Wednesday evening, when they both end class at the same time. Seungcheol and Jihoon have been friends for over ten years and he knows Jihoon’s abhorrence towards unnecessary physical contact. Seungcheol hadn’t said anything though, and Jihoon pretended not to notice.)

Lately, Jihoon felt that something between him and Soonyoung had shifted ever so slightly - a small nudge against their axis. It’s unnoticeable unless you squint really hard, and Jihoon’s been squinting but he still can’t figure out what exactly caused the change. Jihoon could blame this all on his nerves and hypersensitivity to these things, a shadow in the back of his mind that tells him to not fuck this friendship up, but he’s sure that his paranoia is not the root of the change, if you could even call it that. He’s certain, though, that it has something to do with the impromptu X-Files marathons they have together and the weekly waffle outings at half past one in the morning.

Jihoon’s remaining waffle had already gone cold by the time Soonyoung’s done with his, so Jihoon slides it onto Soonyoung’s plate, knows that the boy is probably still hungry. Soonyoung grins at him, a silent thanks, before proceeding to eat again.

It’s weird, Jihoon thinks as he watches Soonyoung, how someone could impact his life so much in a span of only seven months.

////

“You look like shit,” Seungcheol says as Jihoon slides into the seat next to him. The lecture hall is almost full and Jihoon’s thankful that Seungcheol had saved a seat for him.

“Good morning to you too,” Jihoon says as he pulls out his laptop from his bag, fighting back a yawn.

“Were you burning the midnight oil?” Seungcheol asks, before he starts tsking. “Will you ever give yourself a break? You’re gonna kill yourself from exhaustion. Academics isn’t everything, you know.”

“I went to get waffles with Soonyoung last night,” Jihoon says. “Or this morning, more precisely. At, like, one.”

Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. “You guys went to eat waffles at one in the morning?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Is that, like, healthy?”

“You once ate pizza four days in a row, who are you to judge?”

“Touché.”

“So, Soonyoung?” Seungcheol asks as he sets up his own laptop. Jihoon could hear the faked nonchalance in his voice.

“What about Soonyoung?” Jihoon asks back.

Seungcheol shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, you’ve been pretty close lately, huh?”

“Yeah, he’s my fucking housemate. I can’t avoid him even if I wanted to.”

Seungcheol leans back against his chair, studying Jihoon’s face. Jihoon tries to keep his expression as deadpan as possible. “Interesting.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “It sure is.”

“How long have you been… _housemates_?” Seungcheol used air quotes as he said the last word which makes Jihoon wants to smack him even more.

“Like, seven months?” Jihoon looks at him incredulously, lowering his voice before he continues to talk when he sees his professor enter the room. “You know this already.”

“Are you sure you’re just” - more air quotes - “housemates?”

Jihoon squints at him. “What are you implying?”

“Nothing! It’s just that you and Soonyoung are super close and I was just wondering if you’ve got something to tell me?”

Jihoon’s eyes widens as he catches on to Seungcheol’s accusation. The older male has a smug look on his face that Jihoon desperately wants to punch off.

“No, I do not, and we are not having this conversation in class,” Jihoon says, turning around to face the front just as his professor starts to go through the first PowerPoint slide and proceeds to give Seungcheol the cold shoulder for the rest of the class.

////

“So,” Seungcheol starts the moment the lecture ends. “Like I was saying before -”

Jihoon manages to escape from the room just before Seungcheol could even finish his sentence.

////

“Honey, you’re home!” Soonyoung sing-songs just as Jihoon steps into their apartment. He knows he’s joking, but something foreign tugs at Jihoon’s heart. Jihoon chooses to ignore it. “There’s sandwiches in the fridge.”

Fridays are the only days when Soonyoung doesn’t have any classes and Jihoon ends his early in the afternoon. It became a routine of theirs this past semester where they alternate getting lunch - Soonyoung would either cook or order delivery, Jihoon would stop by a restaurant or cafe for take-aways on his way home from school.

Jihoon sets his bag down on the couch carefully, mindful of his laptop still inside, and heads over to the fridge to pull out a plate of sandwiches, neatly stacked on top of each other with his name written in ketchup on the side of the plate. He smiles at that; it’s the little things Soonyoung does that get to him the most - how he memorizes Jihoon’s coffee order, knows which brand of shampoo to buy when Jihoon’s runs out. These little acts of kindness. Soonyoung is too nice for this world, Jihoon thinks. He really doesn’t deserve him.

////

Jihoon’s phone buzzes, stirring him awake. He unlocks it and sees a new text from Seungcheol which reads:

_hey, theres a party @ jeonghans tonight. u coming?_

There’s a slight pause for a few seconds where Jihoon doesn’t reply and Seungcheol doesn’t say anything else. He weighs the pros and cons in his head. Pros: free food, free drinks. Cons: Socialising, and literally everything else. Jihoon watches the dots on Seungcheol’s chat bubble appear and disappear until he finally receives another text.

_bring soonyoung along too._

Jihoon turns to look at said male, currently curled up on the couch, head resting on Jihoon’s lap after having fallen asleep in the middle of the movie, which is still playing on Jihoon’s laptop on the coffee table, static background noise in the quiet of their apartment. He watches the soft rise and fall of Soonyoung’s chest, keeps the little sounds he makes whenever he breathes out through his parted lips in a small treasure box buried in his heart. Jihoon wants to trace the little furrow in Soonyoung’s brow with his fingers, wants to smooth out his small frown, get rid of the rough edges on Soonyoung’s face because he only deserves the best; deserves the world (and Jihoon thinks one day he’d like to give it to him).

Jihoon’s fingers type out a response before he could even think about it.

_nah, we’re good :)_

////

Jihoon doesn’t feel anything.

His head is resting against the wall of his room, unmoving, brain full of static. There’s something heavy on his shoulders he couldn’t shake off and it’s been weighing him down, slowly but surely pushing his feet further and further into the ground until he’ll disappear. It’s a familiar weight, Jihoon thinks, one that he knows very well. It stays with him throughout the New Year, sleeps in the living room couch like an uninvited guest. Sometimes it leaves him alone, gives him some room to breathe and a false sense of security, before it pounces back twice as hard and twice as heavy, often bringing with it a megaphone to give to the nagging shadow in Jihoon’s head.

Sometimes it gets too much for Jihoon. Sometimes he just doesn’t want to feel.

He doesn’t break down often and he doesn’t know why he’s doing it now. He blames it all on school and assignments and lack of sleep - the general stress of just trying to survive through this semester. He allows himself this luxury once in a while, lets his body go numb and clear out his mind the best he can. He’s learned that this isn’t a form of weakness, it’s best to just release everything that’s pent up inside.

Jihoon lets himself be fragile. He lets himself be human.

A quiet voice calls out his name, but he doesn’t register it to belong to Soonyoung until the older male sits beside him on his bed a safe distance away, causing the mattress to dip down and for him to open his eyes.

Soonyoung was not supposed to be here. Soonyoung has classes until six on Tuesdays.

“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung calls again. “Are you crying?”

Jihoon doesn’t realise that he had been until Soonyoung pointed it out. He fights back a sniff, hastily wiping away at his eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie and sitting up straight. “No,” he lies.

He thinks he hears Soonyoung stifle a chuckle. “You’re a shit liar.” Then, in a more serious tone, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jihoon shakes his head, not saying anything for fear that his voice may waver and betray him. He’s still facing the wall, back turned towards Soonyoung. He doesn’t want anyone to see him in this condition, especially not Soonyoung. He was supposed to be in class and not reach home until late in the evening, in which Jihoon would have composed himself by then. The closest people in his life could count on one hand the times they’ve seen Jihoon actually full-on cry. It’s a side of himself he’d rather not share to people, but the genuine concern and softness in Soonyoung’s voice just makes Jihoon tear up more.

“You okay?”

A nod.

“You sure?”

Another nod, but the heat prickling behind Jihoon’s eyes and nose start becoming unbearable and the tears clouding his vision start falling onto the bed, leaving dark spots on his sheets. Jihoon sniffles.

“You’re definitely not okay,” Soonyoung inches closer, opens his arms as wide as he could. “Come here.”

Jihoon falls into Soonyoung’s arms, rests his head against his chest where he could hear Soonyoung’s heart thump in even beats. Soonyoung’s hands are warm against his back, on his head as he pats it in an attempt to calm Jihoon down.

Jihoon stops crying after a few minutes, looks up and says to Soonyoung, “I’m sorry about your shirt.” He pats at the wet stains he left behind as if doing so would dry them up.

Soonyoung chuckles. “It’s okay.”

There’s a few beats of silence before Soonyoung says, “You know, Jihoonie, if there’s anything you need to talk about you can always come to me. There’s no shame in wanting to get things off your chest, and there’s no shame in crying. You’re not a robot. You’re a functioning human with real feelings and emotions. Please remember that and don’t be too hard on yourself, alright?”

Jihoon mumbles out an ‘alright’, which earns him a smile from Soonyoung. Soonyoung, unlike Jihoon, always knows what to say. He doesn’t fumble over his words, doesn’t let his tongue slip.

Jihoon kind of hates how easy it is to trust Soonyoung.

////

The restaurant is crowded, full of strangers and couples and families getting together for dinner. Jihoon hasn’t stepped inside a barbeque place in a while since he couldn’t afford such extravagance with his tight college student budget, preferring to go buy meals that won’t cause such a dent in his wallet, but Seungcheol was nice enough to offer to pay and Jihoon wouldn’t just turn down a free meal, especially not barbeque. He feels kind of bad for leaving Soonyoung alone, guilty that he could enjoy juicy strips of beef while Soonyoung’s probably eating cheap fast food take-out at home.

Jihoon also hasn’t been spending as much time with Seungcheol as he wanted to mainly due to their busy schedules. They’re already well into their second year of college, which means more assignments and more projects. They call and text often but the only time they physically meet each other is in passing on campus and in the class they share together. Seungcheol’s always busy after classes because of his job and Jihoon’s just drowning in assignments. It’s a miracle that they both had nothing on tonight and could meet up for dinner. Seungcheol has been Jihoon’s best friend since high school and he misses the times they could freely hang out after school without giving a damn about growing up or work or responsibilities. Being with Seungcheol is easy and familiar; Jihoon didn’t have to hide any part of himself and he couldn’t even if he wanted to because Seungcheol probably knows him better than he knows himself.

Which is why he internally curses Seungcheol and his perceptiveness out when halfway through dinner he brings up Soonyoung again.

“What’s going on between you and Soonyoung?”

Jihoon almost chokes on his rice at the unexpectedness and bluntness of the question. He thought Seungcheol had forgotten about the conversation they had last week, had laid it to rest, but apparently not. “What do you mean what’s going on?”

Seungcheol squints. “Don’t play dumb with me, Jihoon.”

“I’m not! I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.” He’s lying - he understands the implications behind Seungcheol’s words but he doesn’t want to face it yet, because he knows that he couldn’t give an answer to Seungcheol’s question.

Seungcheol’s never one to give up so easily, so instead he asks another question, this one more direct. “Are you and Soonyoung dating?”

Jihoon gawks at him, sputters out a reply, “No, _oh my god_ , what makes you think that?” JIhoon could feel his face heat up but he blames it on the heat emanating from the grill in front of him. He wonders if Seungcheol asking him to get dinner together was just a guise for him to interrogate Jihoon in a place where he knows Jihoon couldn’t run away without making a scene. “Stop making up conspiracies.”

“Well,” Seungcheol points his chopsticks at him. “Do you _want_ to date him?”

“ _No_ ,” Jihoon replies a beat too quick. The word doesn’t sit quite right in his mouth.

Seungcheol’s still looking at him with a suspicious glint in his eyes but he says, “Alright.” He leaves the conversation just like that, doesn’t bring up Soonyoung again for the rest of dinner.

Jihoon doesn’t know why Seungcheol would think he and Soonyoung are dating. He racks his brain trying to think of something that would make them look suspiciously like a couple - the only thing comes up is just how close the two of them are. It’s not unusual for friends to be close like they are, right? Physical contact is a common thing even though Jihoon’s not necessarily fond of it. So is buying or cooking food for each other and having movie marathons. It’s nothing out of the ordinary; they’re just being good friends. Jihoon can’t wrap his mind around how Seungcheol thinks they’re dating.

Jihoon tries to forget about it but even so, Seungcheol’s question echoes in his brain until he finally gets home.

 _‘Do you_ want _to date him?’_

////

Jihoon emerges from the shower after approximately scrubbing his body and hair fifteen times to try and wash out the smoky barbeque smell. He was about to crash and call it a night when he walks past the slightly ajar door to Soonyoung’s room. Soonyoung always closes the door, hates it when people don’t, so curiosity got the best of Jihoon and he slowly pushes it open.

Soonyoung’s room is in the usual state of disarray, except this time Soonyoung isn’t in it. The lights are all off except for the desk lamp. He knows Soonyoung should be home hours ago and he would’ve texted Jihoon had he gone somewhere. Jihoon was just about to reach for his phone to call him when he notices the neon orange sticky note stuck onto the lamp (which was hard to miss, considering how obnoxiously bright it is) and heads over to examine it. Written in a familiar messy handwriting is: _On the roof. Come up if you need me. :)_

Jihoon doesn’t exactly know what made him go and search for the way to the apartment building’s roof but he blames it on his sheer curiosity of what Soonyoung was doing up there in the first place. He pushes a creaky steel door next to a dark stairwell, surprised that it opens easily. Soonyoung must have somehow found a way to unlock it.

A cold gust of wind hits him in the face and he regrets not bringing his jacket along, but he soon forgets about the cold when he spots Soonyoung standing near the edge of the roof, not close enough for it to be dangerous but also not far away enough to say that it’s safe. He’s looking through a telescope, the same one that used to lie on the top of Soonyoung’s dresser collecting dust. Jihoon’s kind of glad that Soonyoung finally found some time to use it.

Jihoon approaches him, makes sure that his footsteps are loud enough in order not to startle Soonyoung. If Soonyoung had heard him, he doesn’t show it, still focused on the telescope.

“What are you doing up here?” Jihoon asks him, quietly because it feels wrong to say something too loud in an environment so tranquil. “Wishing on shooting stars?”

“Did you know,” Soonyoung’s reply is just as quiet, “that shooting stars aren’t actually stars? They’re just rocks that burn up when they collide into the Earth’s atmosphere.”

“Do Astronomy majors have to ruin all the fun?”

Soonyoung looks at Jihoon and laughs, sounds like the tinkling of a million bells. “Sorry, I guess it’s just in our nature to try and correct all the misunderstandings of space. Do you want to take a look?”

Jihoon nods and Soonyoung steps aside to give him some space. He presses his eye against the eyepiece. What he sees takes his breath away - an infinite littering of stars across the velvet sky, all so bright and beautiful that Jihoon was left speechless for a few seconds, mouth hanging open because he’d never seen anything like it.

“Wow,” he manages to gasp out after a while. “It’s beautiful.”

Jihoon’s not looking at Soonyoung but he can tell he’s beaming. “Isn’t it? It’s a shame we can’t see them clearly anymore with the naked eye because of light pollution.”

“Tell me more star facts,” Jihoon says, still looking into the telescope.

“Okay,” Soonyoung says. He ponders for a while before settling on, “Some stars you see today are probably already dead. Light travels fast but it doesn’t reach us fast enough. So it’s like you’re looking at a graveyard. A very beautiful graveyard. ”

Jihoon stares at him. “That’s a bit morbid, don’t you think?”

Soonyoung just shrugs. “Doesn’t stop people from wishing on them, though.”

Jihoon makes a small noise of agreement as he peers back into the telescope. The universe was born out of destruction and ashes but it still turned out to be something so beautiful. How funny, Jihoon thinks, that out of all the stars in the sky, not one shines as bright as Soonyoung.

The lull in their conversation ends when Soonyoung asks, “What would you wish for?”

“Hm?” Jihoon turns to face him but Soonyoung wasn’t looking at him. His eyes were fixed on the sky above, comedically empty in comparison to the sky Jihoon saw through the telescope.

“If you had to make one wish on a shooting star and have it come true,” Soonyoung explains, “what would you wish for?”

 _You_ , Jihoon wanted to say, was the first thing that popped into his mind, but instead he answers, “I don’t know.”

“I would wish for an endless supply of waffles,” Soonyoung says, grinning. “Speaking of which, would you like to go get some with me?”

As always, Jihoon couldn’t say no. “Sure.”

////

Their meal at the café was as normal as ever - Soonyoung got his usual order of waffles and a milkshake while Jihoon opted to get a cup of mint chocolate chip ice cream since he was still full from dinner. Their waitress, now already familiar with them, had given them a look when they stepped in, probably because it was the first time they’ve ever visited before twelve midnight, but she didn’t ask anything, politely taking their orders per usual.

The walk home is a quiet one. The streets were void of vehicles except for the occasional car or two and Jihoon was too tired to try and start a conversation. He was content with the easy silence though, and it seems as if Soonyoung is too.

With nothing to keep think or talk about, it didn’t take long until his eyes started to wander off to Soonyoung. He’s got his hands tucked inside the pockets of his jacket, head tilted up just like how it was on the rooftop, studying stars only he could see. The yellow streetlights cast dark shadows across his face, accentuating his soft features; the bridge of his nose, the roundness of his cheeks, the curve of his lips -

“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung says, making Jihoon jump and dye his cheeks a shade of red when he realises that he’s been caught staring.

He quickly averts his eyes away and clears his throat. “Y-yeah?”

“What are you looking at?”

“Nothing.”

They continue walking for a bit more in silence until Soonyoung breaks it again. “You remember the shooting star question I asked you?”

Jihoon resists the urge to roll his eyes. “The one that you asked literally an hour ago?”

Soonyoung smiles, sheepish. “Yeah. I gave you my answer, but I wasn’t entirely being honest with you.”

Jihoon raises an eyebrow, decides to entertain him. “What did you mean to say, then?”

“Well, um,” Soonyoung scratches the back of his neck. It’s the most unsure Jihoon had ever heard him sound. “It’s kind of dumb but I… Ireallywanttokissyou?”

The entire statement comes out in one quick breath. Jihoon stops walking to stare at him, certain that he heard wrong. “Sorry, what?”

Soonyoung’s playing with his earring, a nervous habit he obtained ever since he got his ear pierced. “If I had to wish on a shooting star,” he starts, drawing his words out as if he’s dreading to say the next part of the sentence, “I would wish to kiss you.”

Jihoon’s mouth hangs open, incredulous. Soonyoung waits for Jihoon’s reaction but when Jihoon still doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, he sighs. “This was stupid. I should have never said that. God, I’m a fucking idiot. Forget I ever said anything.”

Soonyoung starts walking again, this time in a quicker pace as if he’s trying to get away from Jihoon. Jihoon unfreezes, catches up to Soonyoung in a few strides and grabs onto his wrist to stop him.

Soonyoung turns around, opens his mouth to say something but Jihoon doesn’t get to learn what it is because in the next second he’s standing on his tip toes, pulling the lapel of Soonyoung’s jacket down to capture his lips in a kiss.

It was chaste and awkward, a fleeting moment of Jihoon’s lips on Soonyoung’s, but it was a kiss nonetheless. Jihoon could feel himself grow red when he pulls away and releases his grip on Soonyoung’s jacket. Soonyoung isn’t doing too well himself. He looks at Jihoon with wide eyes and cheeks tinged pink.

“Well,” Jihoon breathes out. “I guess wishing on stars work after all.”

Soonyoung’s lips break into a smile. He still sounds sheepish when he asks, “Can I kiss you again?”

Jihoon nods once, and that was enough to get Soonyoung to bend down and kiss him, slow and sweet, makes Jihoon’s head dizzy. His insides burn up like a supernova, shaking the stars and planets nearby. He feels nothing except for Soonyoung’s hands on his waist and his soft lips against his. Soonyoung tastes like waffles and strawberries. Jihoon doesn’t mind it one bit.

When he pulls away for air, Soonyoung’s smile was as bright and as wide as a nebula.

////

Nothing between them has changed drastically, except now Jihoon could kiss Soonyoung whenever he wants, and vice versa. He admits this isn’t exactly what _just good friends_ do, but he doesn’t want to open his mouth and ruin everything, ruin the friendship (if you could even call it that anymore) that he’s worked so hard and so desperately to maintain.

Jihoon doesn’t know what Soonyoung’s thinking but he seems happy with this arrangement they’ve made. They’re still great friends, still bicker, but this time Soonyoung could easily shut Jihoon up with a kiss without it being surprising or awkward. It’s become the norm, something that doesn’t require much thinking or second guessing. It never goes further than some make-out sessions - it’s a casual thing, and Soonyoung would want to keep it that way for all Jihoon knows. Jihoon couldn’t let himself be selfish - couldn’t afford it. Soonyoung is too important to him and he can’t risk putting their friendship on the line just because he wants something more than whatever they’re doing right now, something that has a face and name to call it by.

So Jihoon keeps his guard up, strengthen the walls twice as much, doesn’t give his heart a chance to beat.

If Soonyoung’s alright with it, Jihoon’s alright with it too. He has to be.

////

It’s nearing two in the morning on a Friday night, The X-Files playing on Jihoon’s tiny laptop screen. Boxes of the Chinese food they had earlier still litter the coffee table, both of them too lazy to clean them up. Jihoon’s long stopped paying attention to the show, eyelids growing heavier and heavier by the second, but Soonyoung’s totally engrossed in it.

“What do you think of Mulder and Scully?” Soonyoung asks him quietly, stirring Jihoon up from his almost-slumber.

“Huh?” Jihoon sits up straighter and yawns. “Um. They’re cute, I guess.”

“Hm.”

“If Scully punched me in the face, I’d thank her.”

Soonyoung laughs at that. _Bells_ , Jihoon thinks.

“You’re not the only one,” Soonyoung says, reclining back into the couch. He plays with the frayed ends of an old pillow. “It’s frustrating to have to wait, like, seven seasons for them to finally kiss.”

“At least they did,” Jihoon sighs.

Soonyoung nods. “Yeah. They’ve been through so much shit. They deserve this happiness.” There’s a pause before he continues, voice shaky and a bit hysteric. “Which makes it worse when you learn that they couldn’t make it work even after all that. God, _what the fuck_. The universe is so unfair.”

Jihoon gapes at him. “You’re telling me they _broke up_?”

“Yeah. Sometime between the last movie and season 10.”

Jihoon whacks him lightly on the arm, eliciting a small noise of surprise rather than pain from Soonyoung. “I can’t believe you spoiled the entire series for me, you asshole.”

“It’s not like you were going to watch it anyways!” Soonyoung defends himself. “You’re only watching it because of me.”

Jihoon couldn’t argue against that. He huffs and sinks back into the couch, crossing his arms. It was silent for a while as they both focus on the laptop screen, stark against the dark room. Jihoon doesn’t know what’s going on after having spaced out for most of the episode but continues watching anyway.

“Hey,” Soonyoung says, a few minutes later, just as Scully enters Mulder’s office. Mulder greets her a good morning. “I’m sorry for ruining the series for you.”

Jihoon almost laughs at that, how sincere Soonyoung sounds. “It’s alright,” he says, patting Soonyoung’s hand. “It’s no big deal.”

Soonyoung smiles at him, seemingly happy with his answer, and turns his attention back to the laptop.

They watch the rest of the episode in silence, already too tired to comment on anything the characters do on screen. Soonyoung falls asleep not long after his apology, and Jihoon doesn’t blame him. College had been unbearably hectic the past few days with the end of the semester nearing. Jihoon wishes it would come faster, desperate for a few weeks of rest before the cycle starts all over again.

Jihoon, much to his own surprise, gets caught up in the story even though there were some parts he couldn’t quite understand. He would have to ask Soonyoung about it later, when he wakes up. He watches as Scully drives her car, looking absolutely tired and done with life (Jihoon could relate) while the Cigarette Smoking Man sits beside her.

 _“You’d die for Mulder but you won’t allow yourself to love him,”_ says the Cigarette Smoking Man, voice grainy through Jihoon’s laptop speakers. Scully looks uncomfortable.

Jihoon pretends that the way he feels as if he’d swallowed a gallon of molten lead was because he was already too invested in Mulder and Scully’s relationship; not because of something else entirely that he wasn’t brave enough to name.

////

Four a.m. finds Jihoon wide awake in bed. He’d been tossing and turning for almost an hour waiting for sleep to consume him, but it never did, so he gave up and accepts his fate and the dark circles that will definitely form under his eyes.

Four thirty a.m. finds Jihoon wide awake in bed with a revelation that forces itself out of Jihoon’s lungs, up his esophagus and into the stale air around him. It’s something he couldn’t ignore anymore; the strength in his arms has ebbed away after trying to keep the doors shut for so long.

It doesn’t come as a surprise to him - he doesn’t freak out or anything, because deep down he already knows that this is the truth. He doesn’t mind it, he realizes. He doesn’t mind anything as long as it’s _him_. The truth is arguably easier to bear than the lie he keeps telling himself.

If the world were to end tonight, Lee Jihoon wouldn’t mind as long as Kwon Soonyoung was the one who destroyed it.

////

“You look like shit,” Seungcheol says.

“Good afternoon to you too,” came Jihoon’s reply. A strikingly familiar opening to a conversation, but this time they’re in a diner instead of a lecture hall.

“Have you been working late again?” Seungcheol asks. He tends to always ask this every time they meet; Jihoon doesn’t know if it‘s because he really looks _that_ bad that it strikes genuine concern in Seungcheol or if it’s just his habit of starting every conversation he has with Jihoon that way.

Seungcheol isn’t looking quite swell either. There are dark circles under his eyes where there normally wouldn’t be, his skin paler than usual. Finals must be taking a toll on him too, good thing there’s only a couple of days left until finals week ends and then they’re free. He looks older than his age and Jihoon catches the telltale signs of an oncoming cold in the way Seungcheol talks. He reminds himself to take vitamins later.

“Yes,” Jihoon replies. “That and I’ve been marathoning The X-Files for almost three days straight now.”

Seungcheol raises an eyebrow at him over his menu. “Never thought you’re the type of guy who likes sci-fi.”

“I don’t,” Jihoon admits. “Well. I used to. It’s alright, I guess. I’m only watching it because I might have a big heterosexual crush on Gillian Anderson and so that I can talk about it with Soonyoung.”

Seungcheol waves over a waitress to order their food and only continues the conversation again once she’s out of earshot. “How is Soonyoung?”

“He’s alright. Could be better,” Jihoon answers. “I mean, we all could be, you know.”

Seungcheol hums in agreement. He starts again, the tone in his voice now different from before, clear that he’s asking for something else other than their friend’s well-being. “So. _Soonyoung_ …?”

“Jesus, will you ever let this rest?” Jihoon almost exclaims until he remembers they’re in public and making a ruckus would definitely earn them unwanted attention. He lowers his voice. “Drop it, Seungcheol.”

“You were the one who brought him up, not me,” Seungcheol’s hands are raised in front of his chest in defense. “I was merely continuing the conversation.” Jihoon couldn’t argue against that; he brought this all on himself.

“Fine, whatever,” Jihoon huffs. Seungcheol’s used to it by now, knows to not take anything mildly offensive Jihoon says or does to heart. He only stops glaring at Seungcheol when their food arrives.

“You know,” Seungcheol says around a mouthful of fries. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m getting this feeling that you’re watching The X-Files because you have a big homosexual crush on Kwon Soonyoung rather than a heterosexual one on Gillian Anderson.”

Seungcheol’s not wrong, so Jihoon doesn’t correct him. He’s tired of denying it anyway. He’d accepted it days ago and he guesses it’s about time to quell Seungcheol’s curiosity. He most likely already knows; he just needs Jihoon’s affirmation.

Jihoon says nothing and chews on his straw. Seungcheol points a soggy fry at him and smirks. “Gotcha.”

“You are so nosy,” Jihoon says, without bite. He’s neither confirming or denying his ‘big homosexual crush on Kwon Soonyoung’, but he takes Seungcheol’s bait. “Hypothetically speaking, so what if I do?”

Seungcheol chooses to entertain him and Jihoon’s more than glad he does. It makes the talk much easier to bear and doesn’t make Jihoon blush as much, because this was _only hypothetical_. “Then you should tell him.”

“What if it’s already out there in the open? Like, it’s not exactly a secret anymore.”

Seungcheol looks at him, a quizzical expression on his face. “What do you mean?”

Jihoon drags a hand down his face and sighs. He’s come to far to backtrack now. Better just to get it over with as quickly as possible. “What if we’ve kissed? More than once. A few times, actually.” He says this all in one uncertain breath and under different circumstances, he would have laughed at the look on Seungcheol’s face, his eyes as wide as his plate in front of him. Jihoon quickly adds, _“Hypothetically_ speaking, of course _._ ”

“Are you sure you’re not dating?”

Jihoon nods his head.

It takes a while for Seungcheol to answer him. He was probably going through all the possible options in his head. Jihoon trusts Seungcheol, he has more experience in this kind of thing than Jihoon does, and in retrospect he should have come to Seungcheol way earlier. “Then you should clear the air.”

“But I’m scared of fucking things up,” Jihoon says, poking at his half-finished burger with his fork. “Like, what if he only wants this to be a casual thing? No strings attached. What if he doesn’t... “ Jihoon trails off, trying to find the right words to say. “...feel the same way as I do?”

Seungcheol gapes at him. “Are you _fucking serious_?”

Jihoon feels a bit offended, but he’s not sure why. “What?”

This time it’s Seungcheol’s turn to drag his hand down his face and sigh. “God, you’re really more dense than I give you credit for. The both of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it obvious that Soonyoung also has a _big homosexual crush on you_?”

Jihoon shakes his head. “No…?”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you two,” Seungcheol groans. “So this is why it took so long for you to actually fess up. You’re both too fucking oblivious.” Jihoon waits for Seungcheol to elaborate, which he does. “I’m not the only one who thought the two of you were dating. Wonwoo was the same. We thought you guys weren’t ready to tell anyone yet, so we didn’t push it. Imagine Wonwoo’s surprise when Soonyoung comes to ask him for advice on how to survive having a crush on your housemate. Imagine _my_ surprise when Wonwoo comes to me to tell me you guys weren’t actually dating.” Seungcheol sounds tired when he says the next sentence. “Soonyoung looks at you with goddamn stars in his eyes, Jihoon-ah.”

Jihoon could only blink and mumble out a pathetic, “Oh.” His brain is overloading with all the information Seungcheol had supplied him, but the one that stuck out to him the most was the fact Soonyoung does like him back.

Was he really that oblivious to Soonyoung’s advances? Looking back with a new set of eyes, the way Soonyoung acted towards him was a bit suspicious. Soonyoung’s close with Wonwoo, but his level of affection towards him was way different compared to his level of affection towards Jihoon. Jihoon wants to kick himself for being so blind.

“What now?” Jihoon asks after two whole minutes of complete silence. He’s not sure of anything anymore.

“You go tell him,” Seungcheol replies, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “You go tell him before it’s too late.”

////

Saying the last few days of finals were hectic was an understatement. Jihoon was ready to rip his hair out, drop out of school and join a monastery. He didn’t have time to breathe, let alone let his mind wander off to Soonyoung. But after he allows the stress of finals to recede as he walks out of the exam room - the last one for this semester - he was the first thing Jihoon thought of.

The apartment is empty when Jihoon gets back. Soonyoung must still be in school for an exam, and in a way Jihoon is glad he wasn’t home yet. It gives him enough time to think about what to do, what to say, the next time he meets Soonyoung.

It’s been four days since his fateful conversation with Seungcheol. He doesn’t regret telling Seungcheol one bit. He’s grateful, even. Seungcheol’s words was the push he needed. He makes a mental note to himself to treat Seungcheol dinner if things do work out between him and Soonyoung.

He must be even more tired than he thought he was, because he ends up passing out in his room and not wake up until it was almost half past ten at night. He panics a bit, realising that taking a nap will most definitely fuck up his sleeping schedule, but then realizes that finals are over and he’s finally free.

Jihoon decides now’s as good god a time as any to have a talk with Soonyoung so he pads off to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water, steeling his nerves for what’s to come. _It’ll be fine_ , he tells himself, repeats it over and over like a mantra.

When he knocks on Soonyoung’s door, though, no answer came. He opens it slightly and expects to see Soonyoung hunched over his desk again, drifted off to sleep, but he wasn’t there. The room was completely empty. Jihoon checks the time on his phone again to make sure that it’s really 10:30 and not because the darkness outside is caused by the sun somehow burning out when Jihoon was fast asleep, plunging the Earth into eternal darkness.

Sure enough, the time on phone reads 10:36 p.m., which means that if Soonyoung isn’t in his room, there’s only one other place he could be at.

////

A familiar sight greets Jihoon when he opens the rooftop door - Soonyoung’s near the edge, his back facing Jihoon, but this time he’s sitting on the floor instead of standing, the telescope set up by his side.

“Hey,” Jihoon says as he approaches him, making sure his presence is known. He sits down on the dirty floor next to Soonyoung. “What are you doing?”

“Thinking about stars, space, aliens, nothing that you’d be interested in,” Soonyoung replies, per usual. After getting to know Soonyoung a bit better, Jihoon realizes that it’s his default answer for when he doesn’t feel like explaining himself. Soonyoung looks distracted, the look in his eyes distant as if he’s seeing something thousands of light years away, something that Jihoon himself couldn’t see but so desperately wants to be a part of. “How was your exam?”

“Good,” Jihoon answers. “Wasn’t as hard as I expected it to be. Yours?”

“Splendid,” Soonyoung says. Both of them say nothing for a while.

“Do you ever feel insignificant in this universe?” came Soonyoung’s quiet voice after five minutes of silence. “Like, we’re all just this one tiny speck of dust on this huge floating rock. What makes us think that doing anything is worthwhile? Does the moon care about that time you failed a paper? Do the stars know when you fuck up?”

“I just went through a two hour marketing paper, I’m too tired to think. You are _not_ going to have an existential crisis while I’m right beside you,” Jihoon scolds him. Soonyoung laughs, and Jihoon thinks he will never get tired of the sound.

Jihoon does ponder over Soonyoung’s words - would the stars even care? The universe has better things to do than laugh at Jihoon when he trips over his shoelaces or when he stutters during his presentations in class. The universe doesn’t care, and neither should Jihoon.

Which is why he finally musters up the courage to ask, “Can I ask you something?”

Soonyoung turns to look at him, curiously. “Sure.”

“What…” Jihoon takes a big gulp of air, breathes it out with a heavy sigh. “What are we?”

“Friends,” Soonyoung answers, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Jihoon wants to scream. “Housemates.”

“I know that but,” Jihoon starts. He wants to say _‘forget it’_ and act like this whole thing never happened, but that’s the coward’s way out. He needs an answer, so he says, “Don’t you think it’s time we stop dancing around this whole… thing?” He gestures vaguely at the space between him and Soonyoung.

Soonyoung’s face is impassive, but Jihoon hears the smirk in his voice nonetheless. “I was enjoying the foxtrot, though.”

Jihoon blows out air out of his nose. “You’re an asshole.”

“Sorry.” This time Soonyoung does smile, but his face quickly morphs back into something Jihoon can’t quite read - a foreign thing for him to see since Soonyoung is usually such an open book. “What… do you want us to be?”

“I don’t know,” Jihoon says. It’s the truth. He doesn’t know what he wants except for the fact that whatever they’ll end up being after tonight, he wants Soonyoung there right beside him.

Soonyoung considers Jihoon’s response for a while before finally saying, “I’ve been dreading this conversation. I don’t know why, but it probably has something to do with the fact that I’m sure I’ll fuck things up if I ever say anything.”

Jihoon snorts. “That makes two of us, then.”

“Do you want it to stop?”

“No.”

“Me neither.”

Jihoon’s glad that Soonyoung feels the same as him. He could end this conversation now; leave the things left unsaid, well, _unsaid_ , but he knows that would just make it harder for both of them.

_‘You tell him before it’s too late.’_

Jihoon prays to the cosmos, the nebulas, to whatever god is out there that he doesn’t fuck this whole thing up.

“You know, the world could literally end right now,” he starts, slow and hesitant. “And there would be a lot of things I haven’t said to you. And that would suck, mostly for me, because I’d be dead without ever letting you know what I feel, and then the universe will laugh its ass off at me.” He takes a deep breath, gains the courage to look at Soonyoung in the eyes to make sure Soonyoung knows he’s genuine when he says, “So what I’m saying is… Even if the world falls apart, you’re my constant. My touchstone.”

There’s a few seconds of pure, unbearable silence as Soonyoung stares at Jihoon, stunned. Jihoon was about to say something else, demand a response, when Soonyoung’s face breaks into a grin and he giggles. “I can’t believe you just quoted The X-Files.”

“ _Asshole_ ,” Jihoon punches Soonyoung in the arm. “I literally just confessed to you and that’s all you can say?”

“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung gasps out, still giggling, out of happiness or because of Jihoon’s utter cheesiness Jihoon can’t tell, but he couldn’t find it in him to care and soon he’s laughing too.

Once the laughter slowly dies out, Soonyoung wipes the tears from his eyes, turns back to look at Jihoon. “Jihoon?”

“Hm?”

“You’re mine, too.”

Jihoon couldn’t help but grin - wide and unrestrained. He feels as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders; feels as if he could swallow the moon whole. “I’m glad.”

Soonyoung reaches over to grab Jihoon’s hand, squeezing it lightly. “Since the world could end any time soon, do you mind if I kiss you right now?”

Jihoon leans in. “Not at all.”

As Soonyoung’s lips collide against his, Jihoon could feel the stars finally align. Kwon Soonyoung is made of stardust and asteroids and so much more. He can’t be certain if it’s Soonyoung who pulled Jihoon into his orbit or vice versa but that’s not important right now when Soonyoung’s lips slot so perfectly between his own. Soonyoung pushes him down softly so that he’s lying down on the ground; Jihoon mourns his white t-shirt but soon forgets about it when Soonyoung does this _thing_ with his tongue, turning Jihoon’s brain into mush.

 _This is right_ , Jihoon thinks. _This is what it’s supposed to be._

When Soonyoung pulls away, his eyes are glittering, full of uncharted constellations that Jihoon wants to explore one day, wants to get lost in their never-ending vastness. Soonyoung smiles as he rests his forehead against Jihoon, so bright that nothing in the sky could ever compete.

“Well,” Soonyoung says, softly. His breath smells of mint and strawberries. “The world didn’t end.”

Jihoon knows the smile on his face matches the one on Soonyoung’s; his fingertips are warm where they touch the skin of Soonyoung’s face, an explosion of stardust and space rocks. “No, it didn’t.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> honestly i didn't expect to finish this. i thought it would gather dust in my wip pile. this isn't the first soonhoon fic i've written but it is the first one i've completed. i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> special thanks to [trbjihoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trbjihoon/works) for beta-ing this! if you like soonhoon do check out her works! 
> 
> comments are always appreciated! they make my day. <3
> 
> if you want to scream about soonhoon with me feel free to hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/aestaegis)!


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